Why You Should Not Trust Emmet as a Babysitter
by AllApologies451994
Summary: It's a nice day outside. The Cullen's are wanting to go hunting... but there's a small problem. Who's going to watch Renesmee? They volunteer Emmet to watch her. Chaos ensues. :D
1. Chapter 1

**Why You Should Not Trust Emmet as a Babysitter  
Chapter I  
Written by: AllApologies451994**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Twilight, any of its characters, or any of the MCR songs/people I mention. The only thing I own is the plot. By the way, if you think you have seen this before; you may have. I have the same story posted on , if you find this sort of familiar. I'm AllApologies451994 on there, also. So don't freak out if you think you've seen this before. And by the way... Happy Thanksgiving!**

It was a normal day. The wind was blowing, the sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and the flowers were doing whatever flowers are supposed to do. It was so nice outside, the Cullens decided to go hunting. Since it was scheduled to rain all week, the figured to go outside today while it was pretty outside.

As the Cullens were getting ready and all that crap, Bella suddenly came to a realization: Renesmee was only just little, and probably shouldn't come with them.

"Edward, honey, what are we supposed to do with Renesmee? She's only just been born, and she really shouldn't come with us."

Edward pondered this for a while. Jasper just sorta popped out of nowhere and shouted "I know what to do with her! Let's let Jacob come and watch her!" Edward glared at him and came close to slapping him. Then Alice popped up and said "Maybe we should just take her with us anyways. She should be fine." Edward almost slapped her. "Why in the world would I take her with us and let those animals tear her limb from limb? She's half human, and doesn't have a lot of strength. She would be ripped to shreds! And besides, she's only a baby."

Emmet, growing impatient, shouted "Crap on the kid! Let's just go and let her get ripped apart! She almost killed Bella anyways, she needs the favor returned." He glanced over at Bella, who glared at him in such a fashion that Emmet began to think she was trying to burn him with laser vision. Even though she was angry, she said rather calmly "You will stay here and watch her until we get back. You are not allowed to leave this house, and if I find out that you did, I'll rip all your limbs off, beat your torso into a bloody pulp, and drop it somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Are we clear?" Her gaze never left him.

Emmet, frightened, gulped. "F-f-fine. I'll s-st-stay here and watch her." "That's more like it."

And with that, the Cullens left.

He turned a glare at Renesmee. "Well, you got me into this mess, and I'm blaming you for it all the way. Now what do you want, you stupid baby?"

Renesmee walked over to Emmet and just slapped him across the face. He was slightly taken aback by that action, and stepped back, Then he slapped her. And she slapped him back. And it went like that for almost 20 minutes; just them two slapping each other. Finally, the got tired, and sat down on the couch. Emmet looked at Renesmee funny, and she looked at Emmet funny. Finally, Emmet said "You wanna watch uncle Emmet play a round of Guitar Hero?" She nodded and smiled, and they made up as if nothing ever happened.

So Emmet went to his room and grabbed his 360, his Guitar Hero II disc, and his guitar controller. He came back and hooked the 360 up to the TV. He flipped through all his songs until he found one he liked. He picked it and started singing along. And for some odd reason, Renesmee knew the song, too.

"They're gonna clean up your looks with all the lies in the books

To make a citizen out of you

Because they sleep with a gun

And keep an eye on you son

So they can watch all the things you do

Because the drugs never work

They're gonna give you a smirk

'Cause they've got methods of keeping you clean

They're gonna rip up your heads

Your aspirations to shreds

Another cog in the murder machine..."

Luckily, it was the censored version of the song, and didn't say that one word in the chorus. You know, the word that means crap? Yea, that one. So Renesmee didn't have to suffer from any foul language. After that song (which was Teenagers by My Chemical Romance for those of you who didn't recognize it), Emmet played Heart Shaped Box and Monkey Wrench. But then they grew tired of the game, so they tried to figure out what else to do....

**END OF CHAPTER**

**A/N: ****Well, there you have it; the first chapter to Why You Should Not Trust Emmet as a Babysitter. Although this story may not seem all that funny at first, I will include more humor in the later chapters. I hope you enjoyed this little thing. HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!!!!!! :D**


	2. Chapter II

**Why You Should Not Trust Emmet as a Babysitter  
Chapter II  
Written by: AllApologies451994  
**  
**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, any of its characters, MCR, Demolition Lovers, Aqua, or Barbie Girl. I also don't own GameInformers. I also don't own the Gerard Way quote I mention at the end of the story.**

It was beginning to rain outside. Emmet and Renesmee, who had grown bored, were sitting around on the couch. Renesmee had the TV turned on Barney and Emmet was reading the newest GameInformer. Emmet, who was so into his GameInformer, had not heard Renesmee the first time she said she was hungry. She was repeating the words "Emmy, I hungwy" over and over, and he still never heard.

She did not like being ignored.

She grabbed the GameInformer out of Emmet's hands and ripped it to a million shreds. He turned to look at her in shock, and yelled at her. "YOU RIPPED IT UP AS I WAS READING ABOUT GUITAR HERO 5!!!! They were having a thing about how they crapped all over Kurt Cobain by ruining his image..." She then grew tired of his rant and slapped him. She then said "Food. Now." So he got up and threw some potato chips at her. "Eat this."

She mumbled something that suspiciously sounded like "retard" and went into the kitchen. She came back with a can of baby food and a spoon. She opened it all by herself, because she's the super awesome vampire-human hybrid and can do stuff like that on her own. Emmet asked "How did you do that?" and she looked at him as though he was stupid. ...I know what you're thinking, he IS stupid, but... you know what I mean.

She ate her meal in peace, because Emmet somehow materialized another GameInformer exactly like the one he had before out of thin air. When she got done, she decided to have some fun. She took her empty food bottle and threw it at Emmet's head. He looked at her really funny and she smiled at him innocently. He turned back to his magazine and acted as though nothing had happened. Renesmee, who had thought of that as a failure, decided to sing at the top of her lungs a song that she had been taught by her mother in order to aggravate Emmet.

"I'm a Barbie girl in a barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic...."

To this, he smacked her. "Don't you EVER sing that song when I'm in here." She was taken aback, and started crying. And man, could she wail. She cried and cried for almost 20 minutes. 19 minutes and 36 seconds, to be exact. Emmet began to get worried; what if they came back and she was still crying? She saw the panic in his eyes and screamed even louder. So, he started to sing a lullaby to her. Well, it wasn't really a lullaby, but it calmed her down for some odd reason.

"Hand in mine, into your icy blues  
And then I'd say to you we could take to the highway  
With this trunk of ammunition too  
I'd end my days with you in a hail of bullets"

She couldn't resist it; it was such a beautiful song, that she calmed down almost instantly. He kept going, hoping to get her to sleep.

"I'm trying, I'm trying  
To let you know just how much you mean to me  
And after all the things we put each other through and...."

His plan worked. She fell asleep, her head on his shoulders. Emmet laid her on the couch opposite him and materialized another GameInformer out of thin air, and sat down. "That was easy peasy pumpkin peasy pumpkin pie."

**END OF CHAPTER**

**A/N: Hi! Let me start out by saying I don't own the songs I mentioned in here (Barbie Girl by Aqua and Demolition Lovers by My Chemcial Romance) nor the quote at the end. That one belongs to Gerard Way. And I slightly edited it because their might be a child that reads this. And for all of you people out there reading this, if there is anyone: if you read this and see something wrong with it, with my facts or a flaw in my writing style, or anything of that nature, please leave a review with constructive critisism. And if you liked it, tell me what you liked and I'll add some more stuff like that into it. Thank you for taking your time reading this, and remember, reviews are love :)**


	3. Chapter III

Why You Should Not Trust Emmet as a Babysitter  
Chapter III  
Written by: AllApologies451994

**Disclaimer**: _I don't own Twilight, any of its characters, or the quote I mention by Mikey Way._

It was getting late. Emmet was wondering where the rest of his family was. He had gone through every magic materialized GameInformer he could find and was growing bored. Renesmee, who had awaken from her nap, was entertaining herself by throwing random stuff at Emmet's head. These things consist of baby bottles, spoons, forks, and... ruined diapers? ...That couldn't be good.

Emmet took a ruined diaper that had landed on his head off, while screaming "O MY CRAP! A RUINED DIAPER HAS LANDED ON MY HEAD!!!!!!!!! RAWR!!!!!!!!!" He went in the shower and scrubbed every square inch of his body until he was sure there was no crap on him. He went into his room, and rummaged through some stuff. In the background, Renesmee heard a loud thump and several curse words. His pain made her laugh.

He came back with a Hula-Hoop. He threw one at her and said "Here you go. Entertain yourself with this, not by throwing crappy diapers at my face." When she looked at him funny, he replied "There's less violence in the world when people use Hula-Hoops." [quote taken from Mikey Way].

She just shrugged it off, afraid to ask him what was wrong with him, and started playing with it. She was getting really good; maybe a little too good. She spun it around so fast it snapped, flew off, and smacked Emmet right across the eye. "...Why does that ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME!?" Apparently, the quote he stole from Mikey happened to be untrue.

So he went into his room and looked through everything, trying to find something that wouldn't hurt him that she could entertain herself with. He found a dog bone, a few MCR discs, a few posters of MJ (don't ask....), and... a few animal rubber chew toys? 'This could work', he thought. Just to test, he threw one at himself. Didn't feel a thing. So, he ran back to the living room, where he found a bored Renesmee playing with an electrical plug-in.

"NO!" Emmet shouted. He pulled her back, just saving her. "Don't play with plug-ins. Bad." Then, reaching up against the wall, he jabbed his finger into the plug-in and electrocuted himself. It looked like he was about having a seizure. Renesmee laughed till she cried.

Emmet pulled himself up, finally. He looked at his chew toy he was planning on letting Renesmee play with, and said "Thank God for rubber that doesn't conduct electricity." Then he stumbled and fell on the couch.

But there was something wrong.

He felt slightly uncomfortable, and knew something wasn't right. And at that moment, he felt a slight pinch. He hopped up out of his seat, and saw a turtle just sitting there. Not doing much of anything; it was just sorta... there.

Emmet, thinking back onto his childhood, remembered a bad experience he had with a turtle.

**FLASHBACK**:

_It was a nice afternoon. The skies were all nice and clear, and the sunshine was pouring in through his old windows. He was getting ready, because his dad promised to take him to the zoo. His dad finally got ready, and they left._

**END FLASHBACK**:

They had a ton of fun at the zoo: except when they reached the part where they could pet the animals. He grabbed a turtle, in what was considered an odd way to it, and it snapped and bit his finger off. If you look closely today, you can see half of his middle finger is missing.

He shuddered. He asked her where she got a turtle, but she didn't reply. She was too busy laughing. "What's so funny!?" He turned around and saw the turtle stuck to his back. He ran out, paler than usual, yelling "MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!! SAVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

**A/N**: _Well, there you have it. Chapter III! Thank you to everyone who commented/subscribed. I really hope you enjoy this chapter. And to all you MCR fans out there, I even threw in another reference for you. If you did not like this chapter or you found some false information, please comment and tell me how to make it better. My goal is to make a fanfiction that pleases everyone. That seems near impossible, but if you tell me some stuff to put in here you think may make it funny, I'll incorporate it in here and make this story even better. So remember; comments are love :) _


	4. Chapter IV

**Why You Should Not Trust Emmet as a Babysitter  
Chapter IV  
Written by: AllApologies451994**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Twilight, any of its characters, "I'm Not Okay" by MCR, or "Dumb" by Nirvana. Those songs go to their respective owners. And Twilight goes to Stephanie Meyer.  
**

Emmet was growing frustrated. His family had been gone all day and half of the night, and Renesmee was just as aggravating as ever. She wouldn't even take that turtle from the last chapter outside; she insisted on keeping it as a pet in her room. As hard as he tried to get her to take it out, she would not listen. She even went so far as to drop it down his pants. It was not pretty.

So, he tried to sing her 'lullaby' to her, which if you remember from a while back is Demolition Lovers by MCR. This, to Emmet's misfortune, did not work. Instead, she bothered him over the meanings of certain words. "Emmet, what does 'demolition' mean?"

"It's when you blow crap up."

"Ew, why would you blow crap up? That's disgusting."

"Not literal crap! Just junk people don't need anymore."

"Then why did you say...?"

"Forget what I said. Aren't you supposed to be asleep, anyways?"

"...You can't prove that."

So, they sat there for a while, Emmet trying to convince Renesmee to get to sleep and Renesmee ignoring him while listening to Jasper's iPod. Emmet, of course, did not like being ignored, but if it shut the tyke up, why not leave her alone?

So, out of thin air, he materialized ANOTHER GameInformer and started reading it. How he does that, no one may ever know. No one may ever WANT to know. But, o well. What can you do?

Suddenly, Renesmee gasped. "Emmet, this song is cursing! Make it stop!" "Pause it, runt!"

So she did.

"What are you even listening to, anyways?" She shoved the iPod in his face to reveal this:

_Down With the Sickness  
Disturbed  
The Sickness  
_  
"AHHHHH!!!!! THAT'S NOT FITTING FOR A CHILD TO LISTEN TO! TURN IT OFF!!!" Not much to Emmet's surprise, she didn't. She just changed the song. He looked over to see what was playing, and it was High Voltage by Linkin Park. He decided it was appropriate for a child to listen to, and let her go about her business.

Emmet started humming cheerfully around the house. Why, you ask? Because he finally got that brat to hush, that's why. If you listen closely, you can hear him occasionally singing the lyrics and laughing. He went into the kitchen, grabbed some Skittles, handed them to Rensmee, and sat down. He began singing again:

_"Well if you wanted honesty that's all you had to say  
I never want to let you down or have you go  
It's better off this way  
For all the dirty looks  
For photographs your boyfriend took  
Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor  
I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
You wear me out..."_

Renesmee looked at him funny, and then opened the Skittles and began to eat. She then paused. "Emmet... you didn't happen to poison these, did you?" "No, of course not. Why do you ask?" "Because you gave them to ME. That's why." He rolled his eyes and turned back to his GameInformer.

She then gave him a suspicious look, but finished off her Skittles anyway. It seemed she really enjoyed them, for she went in the kitchen to find some more. To her dismay, there weren't any more. So she sighed and went back in to the room.

She turned on the TV and began to watch some weird show about how to make shrunken heads. After being thoroughly grossed out, though, she turned it on Spongebob. She laughed at how big of an idiot Patrick was, and scowled whenever Squidward came on screen. Finally, she began to get tuckered out, and fell asleep with Jasper's iPod still in her ears. And yes, she was listening to it the whole time, even while watching Spongebob.

She fell asleep with the sweet voice of Kurt Cobain in her ears:

_"I'm not like them, but I can pretend  
The sun is gone, but I have a light  
The day is done, but I'm having fun  
I think I'm dumb  
Or maybe just happy  
Think I'm just happy  
Think I'm just happy  
Think I'm just happy...."_

**A/N: Well, there you have it. The fourth chapter of WYSNTEaaB. And yes, that's some funny initals. Almost like YKWTDtGLUiP. If you know what that stands for, I applaud you, for you are awesome. But if you can't, it's You Know What They Do to Guys Like Us in Prison, a song by MCR. But I've gotten side-tracked. But I think you know the drill by now: if you like it, comment, and if you don't like it, comment anyways on telling me how to make it better. And thank you to all the subscribers/commenters out there already, I appreciate it. So, remember: comments are love :) **


	5. Chapter V

**Why You Should Not Trust Emmet as a Babysitter  
Chapter V  
Written by: AllApologies451994**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Twilight, any of its characters, or the songs Break (TDG), Come as You Are (Nirvana), or Kill All Your Friends (MCR).**

Emmet was mad. Renesmee had just awoken from her nap and decided she wanted to sing along (loudly) to every song that she knew the words to. This is what it was like:

"BREAK  
AWAY FROM EVERYBODY  
BREAK  
AWAY FROM EVERYTHING  
IF YOU CAN'T STAND THE WAY THIS PLACE IS  
TAKE YOURSELF TO HIGHER PLACES"

To:

"COME AS YOU ARE  
AS YOU WERE  
AS I WANT YOU TO BE  
AS A FRIEND  
AS A FRIEND  
AS I KNOW, AN ENEMY"

To:

"WELL YOU CAN HOLLER LOUD ABOUT YOURSELF  
BUT HONEY, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?  
AND YOU CAN SLEEP IN A COFFIN BUT THE PAST AIN'T THROUGH WITH YOU  
'CAUSE WE ARE ALL A BUNCH OF LIARS  
TELL ME BABY  
WHO DO YOU WANNA BE?  
AND WE ARE ALL ABOUT TO SELL IT 'CAUSE IT'S TRAGIC WITH A CAPITAL 'T'  
LET IT BE  
LET IT BE  
LET IT BE"

And so on. His family had been gone for two days now. He was beginning to wonder why they had been gone so long. Maybe it was a punishment for something he done. Maybe they all got eaten by the pope. It's untelling, but he didn't like what was going on. As Renesmee finished the last notes of the chorus to "Kill All Your Friends" by MCR, she walked up to Emmet.

"I"m bored."

"Too bad."

"What can I do for fun around here?"

"You can... NO! DON'T DO THAT!" In case you're wondering why the sudden outburst, she held up a turtle getting ready to throw at his head. But, he said this too late, for the turtle was already on top of his head. He grabbed and it threw it so hard against the wall it shattered. Now, you may be asking yourself; How do you shatter a turtle? Don't ask me, or anyone else, because no one may ever know. And if you do know, congratulations; you're a nerd. And just a note: It was NOT ceramic and he did NOT have any liquid nitrogen (someone on Mibba told me that and I never thought about it. So there you go.)

So, Renesmee had began to wonder around, looking for something fun to do. She ran into Emmet's room, and found a laptop just lying there. Of course, she didn't KNOW it was a laptop. So she ran back to where Emmet was and plopped it on his lap.

"What's this?"

"Something you don't need."

"Why don't I need it?"

"It's the internet. The internet is the Devil's playground. Bad stuff is on there." It was not to his surprise that she had opened it anyways and figured out how to turn it on. He just sighed and let her go on her own way. It wasn't his fault he couldn't control the munchkin.

He was also not surprised when she figured out how to open up the icons and type things. She's a super awesome ninja hybrid, so he knew she could do stuff like that. Even if she was only a week old.

She got on the internet and opened up . She typed in Renesmee Cullen and got a TON of results. Wondering why, she opened up one. It was talking about this book called "Breaking Dawn", where a vampire (Edward Cullen), and a human (Isabella Swan), got married and had a child. Edward then turned Isabella, or Bella as she liked to be called, into a vampire herself and they lived happily ever after.

"Well huh. This is weird; it's like they know what all happened to my life. Hey Emmet! Come check this out!"

Emmet walked in to see she was looking at a book called Breaking Dawn on (that was the link she opened, by the way).

"Emmet! It's like they know what all happened in our lives! Look!"

He took it and read the summary. He gasped; someone had been stalking them and writing about their personal lives, publishing them in a book! Suddenly, out of nowhere, a lady came out of nowhere. She just sorta 'poofed' into the room, I guess you could say.

"I'm going to need to see that." She just grabbed the laptop and clicked off of the page they were on.

"Was it you who was stalking us? Who wrote all our lives in a book?"

"Well yea. And it's not just ONE book; it's 4. I'm working on the 5th right now."

Renesmee sighed.

"We're breaking the fourth wall too much. Can we just go on and pretend this never happened?"

Emmet and the lady (who was actually Stephenie Meyer), agreed. So, the lady 'poofed' back out of the room and Emmet materialized another random GameInformer. Renesmee went back to the couch and sat down, acting as though nothing ever happened.

**A/N: Thank you to all my readers/commenters/subscribers! And I hope you've enjoyed this little chapter. And just to get this out of the way: I do NOT own Break by Three Days Grace, Come as You Are by Nirvana, or Kill All Your Friends by MCR. So, if you see something wrong in my info/lyrics, comment and tell me how to fix that. Remember, if you review I'll love you forever :)**


	6. Chapter VI

**Why You Should Not Trust Emmett as a Babysitter!  
****Chapter VI  
****Written by: AllApologies451994**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, or any of its characters. Yadda, yadda, yadda... y'all know the drill. Let's just skip to the story, shall we?**

It had been three days since the Cullens left. THREE. DAYS. Man, I was so close to making a Three Days Grace reference right then. Thank your lucky stars I didn't, because it was going to be lame.

Emmett got on the internet and began looking on Google for random stuff. He discovered that papaphobia is the fear of the pope and the one billionth number in pi is 9. How someone figured that out, we may never know, because, honestly, who has the time to figure out the whole value of pi?

Renesmee was sitting on the couch watching the Teletubbies. She didn't even know why, she just turned on the TV and there it was. After being convinced it was the stupidest show known to man (besides Barney, that is), she turned it on the news, where they had some big special on about global warming.

"Emmett, what's global warming?"

"It's where the ozone layer is being thickened by the amounts of pollution we put into the sky, thus making it harder for heat to leave/come into Earth, and it raises the temperature, melting the ice in Antarctica and killing all the polar bears."

Renesmee looked at him funny, because she wasn't paying attention to half of the crap he said, and then turned back around to watch the TV. She flipped through the channels until she saw iCarly on TV, and watched it in peace for a while.

Finally, they got a knock at the door. Emmett sighed, put down a random GameInformer again (we really need to make him stop materializing them out of thin air, it's bad for the environment!), and went to the door to answer it. He opened it, only to find the biggest loser of all time standing at his door; Mike Newton.

"Mike Newton? What the heck are you doing here?"

"Well, my mom said I needed to come out of the basement for a while, because all I did down there was play video games, and I couldn't go see Eric or Tyler because their parents don't like me, so I came here. I hope you don't mind."

Emmett sighed, but let the nerd come in anyways. He didn't believe Newton in the slightest, but a guy's gotta have manners sometimes. You know?

Newton walked into the house like he owned the place. He even sniffed the air suspiciously, for some odd reason. He eyed the furniture with distaste and then stuck his finger in his nose. I don't even know why that last part happened; it just sort of did.

"So, Emmett... where's the rest of your family?"

"They went out to go buy some groceries, and left me to babysit the little squirt over there."

Newton was confused by this, but walked in the living room, only to find a little girl, who appeared to be the age of 2, sitting on the couch watching iCarly.

"Why, look at this pretty girl! I'm Mike Newton. What's your name?"

She was so cute, he couldn't resist but ask. But what happened afterwards was totally unexpected, and to a degree, uncalled for.

"OMG! You're that weird kid who always used to hit on my mom! My dad said he would eat people like you for breakfast!!"

He was taken aback. A two year old baby who could speak perfect English? How old was this thing, anyways?

"How old are you, anyways?" he asked. It's not every day you're told off by a two year old.

"Well, uninformed idiot, I am 2 years, 7 months, 5 days, 18 hours, 15 minutes, and 58 seconds old." She didn't even know what a year, month, day, hour, minute, or second was, she just discovered those words and felt the need to use them in this situation. It's a good thing, too; if she had told him she was only 4 days old, it would've probably caused him to take a big dump in his breeches. And yes, I'm a hillbilly and talk like that, thank you. :D

Well, apparently, she could've told him she was a purple cow on the moon that came from Africa, because he didn't just pay attention to a word she said. Instead, he sat on the couch, grabbed Emmett's GameInformer (which only God knows where it had been) and began reading.

"Yo, nerd! That's my GameInformer, my couch, and my niece!! Things aren't looking well for you right now."

Emmett was right. He barged into the house, (apparently) harrassed his niece, sat on the couch, and stole his GameInformer. Emmett already had a bad day; this wasn't helping.

But this was nothing compared to what Newton did next. O, you guys are going to love all this, because what happens _because _of it is awesome. Isn't the cause/effect sequence great?

"Yo, Emmett! Where's Bella at? Man, that chick is so hot.... I'd try to go for her if that hideous loser _Edward _didn't have his paws all over her. I mean, seriously; it's like he has to cling on to her for dear life! We all know the guy is gay, he doesn't have to hide anything...."

He had just insulted Emmett's favorite brother, and Renesmee's parents. Now THIS is the part we've all been waiting for.

Emmett latched on to Newton and slapped him so hard half of his teeth flew out the _side _of his mouth. And yes, that's pretty hard. Then, he punched him in the gut. After all this, Renesmee popped up out of nowhere with a snapping turtle and threw it down his pants. O, wait... not just _one _turtle, I think maybe 3.... 4, maybe? I'm not sure. But after all this, Emmett kicked him where it should hurt.

"Ow, man!! What the heck!? That hurt!!!!"

"It shouldn't have; there's nothing there!"

Then Renesmee shoved him out the window. Emmett and Renesmee looked at each other really funny, and then gave each other high-fives. Then they sat down, and did what all normal families do; watch TV, read GameInformers, and talk about getting Mountain Dew bubbles stuck up your nose. O yea, here's a tip from the author: DON'T EVER GET A MOUNTAIN DEW BUBBLE STUCK UP YOUR NOSE. EVER. IT HURTS WHEN IT POPS. ...Sorry, I had to get that out. But, I guess that concludes this chapter, so.... how about an author's note and we're done? Yea, sounds like a plan....

**A/N: Heh heh heh.... I was being serious about the Mountain Dew thing, I hope you guys know. Don't try it. And if you do, please tell me about your experience in a review :) And if you don't, well, leave me a review anyways to show how much you love me. Because you guys all know you love me :D Well, that's about everything... O yea, Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates it! I celebrate it myself... so I hope you understand that you're not getting an update until 2010. Because of Christmas, New Years... and the fact that I'm lazy and need reviews for inspiration, and I never get reviews. So, please, if you read this, review it. I need to know I'm loved! My friends sure don't love me, they think I look like a nanner... but that's beside the point. REVIEWWWW!!!!!!!**


	7. Chapter VII

**Why You Should Not Trust Emmett as a Babysitter  
****Chapter VII  
****Written by: AllApologies451994**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or anything related to it. If I did, I wouldn't sit here forever just to write crap for the **_**internet**_**, I would waste my time writing crap to be **_**published.**_

Emmett was so grumpy it wasn't even funny. Unless you were Renesmee. _Then _it was hilarious. Emmett didn't even bother to see how many days it's been since the rest of his family went away. It was way too agitating. And yes, I still use the word agitating. I'm just awesome enough to. (PS, Sorry SGP, I kinda HAVE to use the letter I in my stories. And I am NOT writing that one-shot. ...If you don't understand read my reviews. SGP gives me challenges.)

So, here's what was basically going on: Emmett was sitting on the couch, reading... KERRANG!!! While drinking a.... COKE! Yes, he traded all his personal favorites away for everything else. He decided he lost everything else (including what sliver of sanity he had left), so what the heck?

Renesmee, on the other hand, wasn't as relaxed. She was in the kitchen, banging the pots and pans with whisks and spoons and stuff. She was also shouting about how Elmo knows where she lives and singing The Sharpest Lives by My Chemical Romance.

"IN LOVE WITH ALL OF THESE VAMPIRES, SO YOU CAN LEAVE LIKE THE SANE ABANDONED ME!"

"Nessie, please, I'm trying to watch FBI's Most Wanted!"

Renesmee walked in there to see he wasn't watching that at all, he was watching Barney and singing the theme song very loudly. She looked at him really funny, but didn't do anything else. She walked in and made him turn it on Jonas on Disney Channel.

She sat there watching the Jonas Brothers for forever while singing along to all the songs that came on. It commercialed and played the song Live to Party. She sang along to it very loudly and made Emmett question his sanity. He finally got really tired of listening to them and turned on his 360 to play Guitar Hero: World Tour.

He looked through the setlist and started playing About a Girl on medium. Renesmee looked at him funny because it is the easiest song in the game. When he got finished, she grabbed the controller out of his hands and picked B.Y.O.B on expert.

"Psh. Like you can do _that_! It's probably the hardest song in the game! And how old are you anyways? Like, 6 days or something?"

She smiled at him, mouthed the words 'watch and learn', and began her game.

She played for a while and sang along with some parts. The funniest part was when she just starts shouting

"WHERE THE ... ARE YOU!?"

Emmett looked at her really funny and just went "I'm right here."

She slapped him upside the head with her guitar controller and finished the song. She finished with 99% of all notes hit. She had just began her victory dance when all of a sudden, out of nowhere, there was a cloud of smoke enter the room and a "poof" noise. Out of the cloud walked out.... WAS THAT BOB THE BRYAR!? ...No, that was just Emmett's fangirl mind seeing things. It was actually Jasper. How he got the two mixed up, we may never know.

Jasper coughed and looked at them really funny. Emmett asked him what he was doing when Jasper pulled out a video camera from behind his back and showed them a video. OMG, IT WAS THEM!!!!

It showed everything. It showed Renesmee listening to Jasper's inappropriate music, the whole turtle incident, the diaper landing on Emmett's head, and... GASP!!! Where Emmett got his magazines!!!

While Emmett watched this in shock, and Renesmee laughed at him, the other Cullens walked on in and sat down.

"Dude, this is SO YouTube worthy!"

"I can't believe you guys did all that!"

"Who's that weird chick that poofed in the room all of a sudden?"

"Why is there a diaper on Emmett's head?"

These were a few of the things the rest of the Cullens watched. You see, while everyone was out hunting, Jasper was there, in the window, recording all of this. Well, the good parts, anyway.

Emmett was ticked. He walked up to Jasper.

"I am not going to hurt you. I believe I should force YOU to watch her. I need to hunt anyways. And I forbid the rest of the family to help you out!"

With that, he left.

"What's the big deal? She won't be that mean to me, now will you, Nessie?"

Renesmee got a glint in her eye, but no one noticed it. Now it was Jasper's turn to feel the wrath.

**TO BE CONTINUED IN THE SEQUEL, WHY YOU SHOULD NOT TRUST JASPER AS A BABYSITTER!**

**A/N: I IS BACK!! HEAR ME RAWR AND FEAR ME!!! Well, there you guys have it! This was the final chapter to Why You Should Not Trust Emmett As a Babysitter. I feel really bad for making the story so short, so I'm gonna post a sequel with Jasper as a victim. After he gets done, I'll let some of the other members of the Cullen household watch her. If you haven't put me on Author Alert already, you may want to for when the sequel comes out. HOPE YOU GUYS HAD A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!**

**~Andrea (AllApologies451994)**


End file.
